I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear by Ralph Keyes.
Misfits spend a lot of time alone. Future writers use that time to make up imaginary playmates. As outsiders, they develop a habit of observing others. And being rejected by other kids not only fills young authors-to-be with grievances in need of redress but gets them used to being disliked. That puts them in a very strong artistic position. Putting people off feels like business as usual. p. 86
I’ve gone back now and begun a second winnowing of my list potential magazine markets. This second pass eliminates those publications that don’t accept the first-person essay. In the Consumer Magazines category, Writer’s Market online list 216 publications that accept essays and pay intermediate-and-up fees.
The next ten magazines on my short list to investigate are now:
Manoa, Memphis, Metropolis, Naval History, New Moon, New City, Northern Ohio Live, Now And Then, Open Spaces and Orion.
Butt… Chair… Write…
It’s been a busy week in Wally World: the Universe’s source of cheap plastic crap. On The Writing On The Wal — the blog USA Today says should be on its readers’ radar — Jonathan Rees, Robert Feinman, Peter Sayles and I continue our work dedicated to drawing back the curtain on the Bentonvile Behemoth’s corporate disinformation and other flackery.
WAL-MART WEDNESDAY: OPEN THREAD… How do you really feel about Wal-Mart? Here”s your chance to express your true feelings – pro and con – about the world”s largest retailer. Write whatever you like in the comments section and engage your fellow readers in the conversation. Keep reading…
MOCKIN” THE SMOCK… MOCKIN” THE SMOCK… Henry David Thoreau wrote in Walden: I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes. How much more wary ought a worker be when their employer suddenly requires them to buy new clothes? Keep reading…
ANOTHER KIND OF WATER TORTURE… Barbara Ehrenreich dives into the spy vs. spy retail wars by reminding us that Wal-Mart is not the only corporate bad actor. There is something to be said for how the leader of the free world sets the tone for everyone else. Here”s how it can go very bad.. Keep reading…
NO WAY FOR WAL-MART IN NORWAY… Norway has decided that it can”t in good conscience continue to keep the company”s stock as part of its $285 billion pension fund. The decision was so important, the government included 20 pages of details in its 2006 Council on Ethics for the Government Pension Fund – Global. Keep reading…
AT THE WALLY PLEX… There are sound stages on Hollywood”s back lots smaller than Bentonvile”s behemoths, so it”s no surprise that budding video talent has been sneaking cameras in at odd hours. And now for the midnight show at the Wally Plex featuring AkeJay02. Keep reading…
CODE PROJECT RED… There”s much more in the Bat Cave than just the Orwellian actions of the now gagged (and bound?) Bruce Gabbard. The Wall Street Journal reports today that, Holy Stock dividends, the operatives were toiling away on a plan to spin off Sam”s Club. Keep reading…
I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is Fair Trade Fundraiser For Youth Groups & Schools.
Kerri Drylie: I am just a parent with a soldier stationed in Afghanistan, where my daughter is a medic serving her 14th month with the 10th Mountain. She is very proud to be serving her country, and we are very proud of her. I have been grateful for The Sandbox this last year, and the connection it gives me to my daughter and her fellow soldiers. Heidi…
I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
A pastor concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.
So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.
Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles . He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately
asked Jack, “Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?”
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, “Using my sales powers, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.”
“Fine job, Jack!” The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. “You
are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.”
Turning to Paul, “And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the Church last week?
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected.” The minister responded,
“That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you.”
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?”
Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.
The minister opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?” the minister exclaimed. “Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?” Louie just nodded.
That’s impossible!” both Jack and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could. How on earth did you do this?”
“Louie shrugged. “I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered. Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!”
“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??”
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear by Ralph Keyes.
There is no basic difference between a writer”s urge to put words on paper and that of DEENA to scrawl her name in wet sidewalk cement, or “The Duke” to spray-paint his nickname on city walls. A need for attention drives us. Recognition Immortality.
And why not? One of the most fundamental of human fears is that our existence will go unnoticed. We”d all like to have it recorded somewhere. What better way to achieve this goal than by writing? Long after maggots have had their way with my corpse, my name will still be on the spines of books in the Library of Congress. I”m on the record. p. 79
I’ve gone back now and begun a second winnowing of my list potential magazine markets. This second pass eliminates those publications that don’t accept the first-person essay. In the Consumer Magazines category, Writer’s Market online list 216 publications that accept essays and pay intermediate-and-up fees.
The next ten magazines on my short list to investigate are now:
Flick Magazine, Genre, GUD Magazine, Horizon Air Magazine, Image, Inkwell, Islands, Karma Magazine, Legacy Magazine and MAMM Magazine.
Butt… Chair… Write…
I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is A Guide to Writing Well.
Eric Coulson: “Can you give me a lift to the airport?” Back in Boise that gesture of assistance involves nothing more than a quick jaunt south on I-184, then west on I-84 to the Airport exit, a right turn, south a block, then another right around the Chevron station, and then the long turn to the left before you make the decision to go to departing flights on the upper…
Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.
I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
A blind man went to the airport to fly in a small plane and the pilot asked him, “if you’re blind, why do you want to fly?”
And the blind man said, he just wanted to have the experience. So off through the skies they went!
The pilot had a heart attack and passed out and the blind man felt around and found the mike and keyed up and said, “Help, help, I’m a blind man flying upside down in a small plane and the pilot has passed out!”
A voice came over the speaker that said, “if you are a blind man, how do you know you’re upside down?”
The man said, “because shit is running out of my collar!”
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear by Ralph Keyes.
One of the worst things you can say about a colleague is that he played it safe. p. 75
From Japan Probe comes a list of History’s 100 most influential individuals as selected by the Japanese in a national survey. Just as you would expect, the list features mostly Japanese, but I have to think it contains many more non-Japanese personalities than a similar American list might contain non-Americans.
Britany Spears, thankfully, is nowhere on the list.
1 Sakamoto Ryoma
2 Napoleon I
3 Oda Nobunaga
4 Saigo Takamori
5 Miyamoto no Yoshitsune
6 Jean of Arc
7 Hideyoshi Toyotomi
8 Albert Einstein
9 Yutaka Ozaki
10 Akechi Mitsuhide
11 Genghis Khan
12 Tokugaya Ieyasu
13 Thomas Edison
14 Florence Nightengale
15 Chiune Sugihara
16 Kyu Sakamoto
17 Hijikata Toshizo
18 Rikidozan
19 Yoshida Shoin
20 Mahatma Gandhi
Click through for nos. 21-100.
I’m continuing my examination of consumer magazines that accept first-person essays, but I’ve also decided to resurrect an idea I first explored in the summer of 2002: the vanity autobiography. Two things had sparked my interest then. First, my reading of Tuesday’s With Morie and second, an article on ethical wills.
I thought then: there’s a market here for people who’d like to privately publish their story just for their descendants.
I still think there’s a local market there.
Today I made a pass at the library for a few books on the subject. I reserved:
Inventing the truth by Russel Baker.
Turning memories into memoirs by Denis Ledoux.
Writing personal essays by Sheila Bender.
Writing about your life by William Zinsser.
And the book I expect to learn the most from by a local writer I’ve been privilleged to learn with in the past,
The complete guide to writing biographies by Ted Schwarz.
Butt… Chair… Write…
I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is The Thriller World.
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