Archive for the 'From My Dad' Category

I FAVOR THE CONSTITUTION OVER THE FLAG…

March 20th, 2014

I’m always suspicious of those whose noses get all out of joint because the America flag is ill-treated in a political protest protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, but don’t break a sweat when our Constitution itself is treated like a nose rag. This 2010 protest in Phoenix was in reaction […]

THE LIPS REALLY CAN’T LIE…

March 9th, 2014

From my dad, of course…

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

March 3rd, 2014

Every West Virginian knows and understands, the difference between a “redneck,” a “good ol’ boy,” and “po’ white trash.” My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is fond of joking that he raised the […]

THEY NEVER LOOK IN THE BATHTUB…

March 2nd, 2014

From my dad, of course…

AS I CLOSE ON 60…

March 2nd, 2014

The Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least […]

JUST WHEN YOU THINK NOTHING IS THERE…

February 25th, 2014

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

February 24th, 2014

Only West Virginians grow up knowing the difference between a “right near” and a “right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be one mile or 20. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

February 9th, 2014

Only a West Virginian knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’! My Hess line moved to […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

February 3rd, 2014

All West Virginians know exactly when by and by is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is fond of joking that […]

IF YOU’RE TRAVELING TODAY…

January 28th, 2014

My dad wanted to make sure I was safe, so he forwarded the message below to me this morning: The state highway department has issued a travel warning due to snow storms and bad road conditions. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should ensure that they have the following: – Shovel […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

January 23rd, 2014

Even West Virginian babies know that Gimme some sugar is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

January 18th, 2014

Only a West Virginian knows exactly how long directly is — as in: Going to town, be back directly. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is fond of joking that he raised the […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

January 7th, 2014

You can show or point out the general direction of yonder. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is fond of joking that he raised the average intelligence in both states when he moved.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

January 4th, 2014

You know how many fish, greens, peas, beans, &c., make up a mess. My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is fond of joking that he raised the average intelligence in both states when […]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A WEST VIRGINIAN IF…

January 1st, 2014

You know the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit. (You get bonus points for knowing that you pitch them rather than have them.) My Hess line moved to Palantine, Virginia (now Fairmont, West Virginia) in 1723. My father and his parents moved to Marietta, Ohio during World War II. My dad is […]

WALKING THE DOG…

November 20th, 2013

Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.” The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the […]

TO MY DAD ON HIS 84TH BIRTHDAY…

September 8th, 2013

Next Sunday I will celebrate my 58th birthday. Today, my dad celebrates his 84th. I’ll call later today, but I sent him this note this morning: Dear Dad, I know that I get wrapped up in my own drama and don’t say this as often as I should, but I recognize that I am very […]

IF FOREST GUMP DRANK COFFEE…

July 19th, 2013

From My Dad, of course… I’ve been known to apply this principle to books. I own less than a handful of books with fine bindings or printed in collector’s editions. I don’t care if a book is a paperback or enclosed in Moroccan leather; what counts are the words, not the package.

FATHERLY BITS O’WISDOM ON: LOVE…

May 6th, 2013

Love is grand!! Divorce is a hundred grand. From my dad, of course…

A SET OF TUBES…?

January 9th, 2013

Carlinisms…* Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? From my dad, of course… *I associate this kind of word play with the brilliant comedy of George Carlin…

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