28 May 2007
28 May 2007
CHILDREN AND STUDENTS…
1400 by Jeff HessWe are the conjurors who take away all pain,
and we are the ones who cannot take away the pain at all.
They do not ask, as lately we have asked ourselves,
Who was I then? And what must I become?
Like newly minted coins, their faces catch
the evening’s radiance. They are so sure of us,
From The Faces of Children by Elizabeth Spires.
28 May 2007
FROM MY DAD ON MEMORIAL DAY…
1000 by Jeff Hess
I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So in memorial of those with us and those gone, I present: From My Dad.
JUST A COMMON SOLDIER
Copyright © 1985; A. Lawrence Vaincourt
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And tho’ sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we’ll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world’s a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won’t note his passing, though a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
A politician’s stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.
It’s so easy to forget them for it was so long ago
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?
He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier’s part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he’s here to hear the praise,
Then at least let’s give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
“Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.”
28 May 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday. She told Dick Cheney, “The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce more than 200 words!”
“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” Cheney said. “But you realize that he just says the words. He doesn’t really understand what they mean.”
“That’s okay,” Laura replied. “Neither does the parrot.”
28 May 2007
FROM MY DAD ON MEMORIAL DAY…
0600 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So in memorial of those with us and those gone, I present: From My Dad.
28 May 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff Hess
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.
The source of all clichés can be traced to one thing and one thing alone: the writer does not know the world of his story.
28 May 2007
FROM MY DAD ON MEMORIAL DAY…
0200 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So in memorial of those with us and those gone, I present: From My Dad.
Let’s All Show Up At Sears
I assume you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more.
Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up, Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.
I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.
Pass it on.
Well, I decided to check it out before I sent it forward. I sent the following email to the Sears Customer Service Department:
I received this email and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your store.
I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item even if it was cheaper at the other store. Here is their answer to my email.
Dear Customer:
Thank you for contacting Sears. The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback. Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.
Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com
28 May 2007
FROM MY DAD ON MEMORIAL DAY…
0001 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So in memorial of those with us and those gone, I present: From My Dad.
27 May 2007
MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…
1400 by Jeff Hess
I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is The Top Ten Lies of Entrepreneurs.
27 May 2007
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff Hess
LT Carl Goforth: “Well, I say we just keep her. She can stay in the barracks with us.” “She is so cute, I would just love to adopt her as my own. Is it okay if we just ‘claim’ her as ours?” Just a few of the comments I hear as I wade through medics and corpsman on my way to see Doha. She’s the MVP of Charlie Medical this morning and is coming in to get pins…
27 May 2007
MOLIERE CALLED IT…
1000 by Jeff HessThese zealots will never be foregiven
For reducing people more and more
And using poetry as a whore.
Prostituting works of art
Does damage to the human heart.
They haven’t quite killed that off yet,
But look out, the agenda’s set.
From Not My Department by Christopher Wiseman.
27 May 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a .40 cal Glock and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat’s Answer:
Draw, aim and shout: “Stop or I’ll shoot!”
Republican’s Answer:
Draw, aim and shoot: BANG!
Southerner’s Answer:
Draw, aim and shoot: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click… (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one?
Wife: You ain’t taking that to the taxidermist!
27 May 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.
A story”s setting is four-dimensional – period, a story”s place in time; duration, a story”s length through time; location, a story”s plae in space; and level of conflict, the story”s position on the hierarchy of human struggles
26 May 2007
MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…
1400 by Jeff HessI’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is How to Launch a Business Without Spending a Dime.
26 May 2007
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff HessSGT Brandon White: Yes, yes. It”s that time of year, time for the obligatory ‘Reflection Post”. You”ve seen them on the milblogs of other soldiers soon leaving theater. They usually contain words such as, “Hope” and “Sustainment” and “Commitment”. They”ll reflect on the good things that they have accomplished and lament the things that could have…
26 May 2007
A TEACHER’S LAMENT…
1000 by Jeff HessNow, at the game, you watch, helpless,
head full of silent curses —
Shoot the fucking thing!
Pass it, you half-witted wanker!
For God’s sake tackle him
you ugly misbegotten little turd —
as their sun-tanning parents smile at you,
proud of their twelve-year-olds,
applauding every ridiculous mistake.
And you smile back, smile back, smile back.
From Soccer Coach by Christopher Wiseman.
26 May 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
Life
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Middle age is when the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist exchange places.
You shouldn’t confuse your career with your life.
Experience is a wonderful thing, it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
It’s easier to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission.
Don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Thou shall not weigh more than thy fridge.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that deep down inside we all believe that we are above average drivers.
It’s not the jeans that make your butt look fat, it’s the fat.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
No body cares if you can dance well, just get up and dance.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
26 May 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.
The Politics of Story Design, the writer must earn his living writing, master classical form and believe in what they write.
25 May 2007
BOB SEGER, RAMBLIN’ GAMBLIN’ MAN…
2359 by Jeff Hess25 May 2007
WHAT THEY SAID…
1600 by Jeff HessMeek young men grow up in libraries, believing it their duty to accept the views, which Cicero, which Locke, which Bacon have given, forgetful that Cicero, Locke, and Bacon were only young men in libraries when they wrote those books. Ralph Waldo Emerson
