2 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

In vivid detail sketch how your characters shop, make love, pray – scenes that may or may not find their way into your story, but draw you into your imagined world until I feels like dèjá vu.

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1 June 2007

BOB SEGER, TURN THE PAGE…

2359 by Jeff Hess

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1 June 2007

MY COMMENTS…

0850 by Jeff Hess

Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.

0843 Kids In the Hall: Growing up Jehovah’s Witness

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1 June 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

The Cannibals

A large company recently hired several cannibals as it was expanding quickly and couldn’t find enough British staff.

“You are all part of our team now”, said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. “You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the canteen on the Ground Floor for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of our other employees”.

The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard and I’m satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?”

The cannibals all shook their heads “No”.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?”

A hand rose hesitantly.

“You fool!” the leader continued. “For four weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But , NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!”

Posted in From My Dad, Humor | No Comments »

1 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

Research is not daydreaming. Explore your past, relive it, then write it down.

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31 May 2007

MY COMMENTS…

1747 by Jeff Hess

Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.

1800 Guess What Happened To Me Today
1743 Celebrating Rachel Carson’s “Sense of Wonder”
1625 Remains of the Day, 5-30-07

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31 May 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

CAPT Lee Kelley: Flags drifting in the wind. Tears. Memories. Veterans. Family vacations and celebrations. It”s Memorial Day 2007 and I am nostalgic once again. On this day in 2005 I was in pre-combat training and mere weeks away from my trip across the Atlantic. I spent Memorial Day 2006 in Iraq. I am painfully aware of the soldiers that have perished in this war…,

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31 May 2007

HAVE YOU BEEN LURKING…?

0801 by Jeff Hess


Normally I wouldn’t ask this, but recently I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about blogging and questioning how I invest my writing energies. Then there’s the fact that May has been a great month with my best day ever (4,470 visits) on Tuesday and a total of 23,423 unique visitors for the month as of 5 p.m. yesterday.

I could have waited until tomorrow to post this, but I know from my statistics that Thursday is the day more of you drop in than any other.

Here’s what I’m asking: if you’ve never left a comment on Have Coffee Will Write, please leave one on this post. Even if you just say Hi, I’ll be pleased. If you’re concerned about identity, make up a name and email address, I’m not looking to data mine here.

I’ve you’re moved to say more, to perhaps tell me what you like and don’t like, how long you’ve been reading, how often you stop in or anything else you want to say, that would be very cool as well.

In any case, thank you for stopping in, for reading and, most importantly (if you should so choose) for writing a comment.

It’s all about the conversation.

Posted in Blogging | 2 Comments »

31 May 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of “You know you’re a redneck when…”

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does .

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.

24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Posted in From My Dad, Humor | No Comments »

31 May 2007

IN THE PARK… OUT OF THE PARK…

0624 by Jeff Hess

and no choosing what to come back as.
When the grizzly bear appears, he lies/lays down
on atheist and zealot. In the pitch-dark
each of us waits for him in Glacier Park.

From In the Park by Maxine Kumin.

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31 May 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

The Principle of Creative Limitation. The irony of setting versus story is this: the larger the world, the more diluted the knowledge of the writer, therefore the few his creative choices and the more clichéd the story. The smaller the world, the more complete the knowledge of the writer, therefore the greater his creative choices. Result: a fully original story and victory in the war on cliché.

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30 May 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

RN Clara Hart: It is Memorial Day Weekend and I have suddenly realized a lot of things I never even thought about before. Years ago I was a sheltered Midwest kid whose only contact with the military was an uncle in the Air Force who I saw maybe once every five years. I”m ashamed to say the military never really meant much to me in those days. I…

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30 May 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

Posted in From My Dad, Humor, Video | No Comments »

30 May 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

An honest story is at home in one, and only one, place and time.

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29 May 2007

THAT WHICH IS REAL… VITAL… AUTHENTIC…

1616 by Jeff Hess

Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don’t even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don’t sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we’re all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don’t answer the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in though the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don’t read it, don’t read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.

From Advice to Myself by Louise Erdrich.

Posted in Poetry | 2 Comments »

29 May 2007

ANOTHER SKIDMARK MOMENT…

1603 by Jeff Hess

You know WCPN, you know Driveway Moments; when you sit in your driveway listening to hear the finish of a captivating bit of radio. Well, I’m instituting Skidmark Moments, radio that cause you to slam on the brakes because you can’t believe what you just heard. Today, President George Bush on the people of China.

And one of the issues that I emphasized to Madam Wu Yi, as well as the delegation, was that we’re watching very carefully as to whether or not they will appreciate their currency. And that’s all in the context of making it clear to China that we value our relationship, but the $233 billion trade deficit must be addressed. And one way to address it is through currency evaluations.

Another way to address it is for them to help convert their economy from one of savers to consumers.

Exactly what’s going on here? A portion of the Chinese population (a small one, but one bigger than the whole of the United States, is saving — that’s the code word for investing — their wealth rather than following the model the United States would prefer: buying more stuff.

Has anyone else called the decider-and-chief-shill on this one?

Posted in Election 2008, Politics, Radio, Re-Elect President Gore, Skidmark Moment | 2 Comments »

29 May 2007

DERF DESERVES A PULITZER FOR THIS ONE…

1252 by Jeff Hess

Posted in Humor, John "Derf" Backderf | 6 Comments »

29 May 2007

WHAT THEY SAID…

1128 by Jeff Hess

I really don’t think the Republicans get the terror threat, do you? They just don’t take national security seriously as a party. Andrew Sullivan

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29 May 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

Posted in From My Dad, Humor, Video | No Comments »

29 May 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

A story must obey it own internal laws of probability. The event choices of the writer, therefore, are limited to the possibilities and probabilities with the world he creates.

Posted in Chapbook | No Comments »

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