24 August 2007
24 August 2007
24 August 2007
WHAT THEY SAID…
1632 by Jeff HessI confess it: I have been guilty of the cheapest sort of envy. For example, there is a writer–she shall remain nameless–whose success, both in terms of sales and reviews, baffles me. What, I wonder, is everyone seeing that I’m not? Am I blind? Or has she sold the world a bill of goods the cheeziness of which only I detect? David Leavitt
24 August 2007
WHAT THEY SAID…
1442 by Jeff HessJoe Lieberman says that “Whereas a year ago, Iraq’s Sunni Arab community was largely allied with the insurgency, more and more Sunnis are coming over to our side, to fight against al Qaeda.” I don’t know if Lieberman is ignorant or being misleading here, but this is badly wrong.
There’s not an “insurgency” that Iraq’s Sunni Arabs have abandoned in favor of joining “our side.” Rather, Iraq’s Sunni Arabs are the insurgency — a violent rebellion against the Shiite-dominated new political order in Baghdad. Matthew Yglesias
24 August 2007
MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…
1400 by Jeff Hess
I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is How to give yourself the best chance of a good life. (Part I)
24 August 2007
WHAT THEY SAID…
1225 by Jeff HessIt had rhythm and poetry. It was a performance in the spoken word. And I miss that magic. Mike Dunford
24 August 2007
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff Hess
Eric Coulson: I vividly remember hitting the streets of Iraq — not a FOB, the streets of Ar Ramadi — for the very first time. We dismounted to help sweep a suspected cache last October. One of the things that struck me was the smell and the horrendous amounts of garbage laying all over the place. My inference was that due to the lack of municipal services…,
24 August 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff Hess
I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
A man was stopped, leaving the Cheat River by the State Department of Natural Resources in Preston County West Virginia recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water.
The DNR officer asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
“Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. These here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?”
“Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let ’em swim ’round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take ’em home.”
“That’s a bunch of balony! Fish can’t do that!”
The man looked at the DNR officer for a moment and then said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show you. It really works.”
“Okay, I’ve got to see this!”
The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the DNR officer turned to him and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” said the man.
“When are you going to call them back?”
“Call who back?”
“The FISH!”
“What fish?”
We in West Virginia may not be as smart as some, but we’re not as dumb as most.
24 August 2007
AH MEIN…
0757 by Jeff HessPuffing his cigar,
he’d issue his standard
penance and absolve all sins,
real or imagined,
with godlike aloofness,
his vast indifference to
or total acceptance of the darkness
within the human soul
exactly how I hope the deity
regards us. Take forgiveness
any way you can get it.
From Forgiveness by Terence Winch.
24 August 2007
BUT WILL THEY NEED AIR COVER…?
0654 by Jeff Hess
The Put It On The Ballot folks may have need of one of my old job skills tomorrow: track commander on an M42 Duster, self-propelled anti-aircraft gun. The twin 40 mm’s weren’t much use against jets, but they could tear the hell out of a single-engine prop plane towing a banner. And we’d need my whole platoon of four vehicles to provide cover.
From Cleveland City Councilman Zachary Reed:
Your last chance to put the sales tax issue on the ballot by signing a petition will be Saturday, August 25, 2007 from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm.
Come join the putitontheballot.com volunteers at the following drive-thru locations:
Main Cleveland Post Office, 2400 Orange Avenue, Cleveland, 44101
Lakewood Post Office, 1475 Warren Road, Lakewood 44107
Cleveland Heights Post Office, 3 Severance Circle, Cleveland Heights 44118
Cuyahoga County Administration Building, 1219 Ontario Street, Cleveland 44113
On July 26, a .25 percent sales tax increase was passed for Cuyahoga County. The tax goes into effect October 1st (for 20 years) unless 46,000 signatures of registered Cuyahoga County voters are submitted by 4:30 pm Saturday, August 25, 2007.
If the citizens of Cuyahoga County want to vote on this issue they must turn out and sign the petition.
24 August 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff Hess
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For by Alice Walker.
Listen to what people are shouting at their rallies and read what their banners proclaim in the street. Sit with their anger until you can see America through their eyes. p. 190
23 August 2007
MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…
1400 by Jeff HessI’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is 11 Causes and Cures for Procrastination.
23 August 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
The Man RulesÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
We always hear The Rules from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note. these are all numbered 1 on purpose.
1. Men are not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let them be.
1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing, We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf!
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
Oh yes, and the answers from yesterday quiz:
Answer No. 1: Bread. If you said toast, give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt your self.
Answer No. 2: Cows drink water. If you said milk, your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
Answer No. 3: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said green bricks, why the hell are you still reading these?
Answer No. 4: You don’t bury survivors. If you said anything else, you’re a dunce.
AnswerNo 5: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own name? You were driving the bus.
Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
95 percent of people fail most of the questions.
23 August 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For by Alice Walker.
What will be the impact on coming generations if they are denied knowledge of evolution? If they are encouraged to ignore global warming? If no one teaches them were the goodies of the West come from?
If leaders gloss over the widening enslavement of people of poor countries whose women and especially whose children are locked into foul, airless rooms for hours on end and forced to make cheap rugs and towels and clothing for a European and American market; women, children and men earning as little as seven cents a day?
This is modern-day slavery, and we should call it what it is. p. 188-9
22 August 2007
MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…
1400 by Jeff HessI’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is 14 Ways to Cultivate a Lifetime Reading Habit.
22 August 2007
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessI could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
2. Say silk five times. Now spell silk. What do cows drink?
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
4. It’s 30 years ago, when Germany was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany, and a airliner is flying at 20,000 feet over the country. During the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man’s land”?
5. Do not use a calculator. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answers tomorrow.
22 August 2007
MAYBE WE SHOULD FLY THIS BEHIND A FECKIN’ AIRPLANE.
0738 by Jeff Hess
I’m sure that Roldo Bartimole has the numbers tucked away, but I’d love to see a side-by-side comparison of all the corporate welfare checks written by Cleveland and Cuyahoga County since 1980 with other major municipalities and counties across the nation. Why do I think this is a list where Cleveland will be on top?
Since Mayor George Voinovich opened the public feeding trough the broken promises of jobs and economic recovery have piled higher and higher.
Like the loads of shit they are.
From this morning’s USAToday (don’t ever look for this kind of coverage in the Pee Dee):
Generous tax breaks given to companies that threaten to take their business elsewhere are coming under increasing scrutiny from state and local officials who say taxpayers aren’t getting their money’s worth.
Critics say the tax breaks and other financial incentives have gotten out of hand, costing taxpayers billions of dollars and doing little for the economy.
“There’s an entitlement mentality about tax breaks today,” Kansas City, Mo., Mayor Mark Funkhouser says. “Every developer thinks it’s his right not to pay property taxes.” Funkhouser was elected mayor in May after campaigning against tax breaks to developers, including one for a luxury condo development in an affluent part of his city.
I love that phrase entitlement mentality. Sounds like Mayor Funkhouser is talking about Ronald Reagan’s welfare queens or the Downtown Cleveland Alliance’s panhandlers. But he’s not. Mayor Funkhouser is talking about the parasitic class of leeches that passes for visionary leadership in Cuyahoga County.
You know, like the people who want yet another public-funding boondoggle to pay money into the county’s general fund with the will-o-wisp intent of building a convention center?
What would I have trailing behind an airplane in the sky above Cleveland? How about:
Taxpayers aren’t getting their money’s worth.
22 August 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. BRADBURY…
0651 by Jeff Hess22 August 2007
DO PEOPLE DO THIS WITH THEIR PETS…?
0625 by Jeff HessIt’s Earl again. Well, how else are you
to live except by denial, by some
palatable fiction, some little song to
sing while the inevitable, the black and
white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling
toward you out of the deep?
From Earl by Louis Jenkins.
22 August 2007
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For by Alice Walker.
It is the writer”s duty, it seems to me, to question all establishment gods… p. 184
