7 December 2005

WAL MART WEDNESDAY…

0654 by Jeff Hess

It’s been a busy week in Wally World: the universe’s source for cheap plastic crap. It’s also been a light couple of blogging weeks with my hard drive crash. But fortunately, my fellow bloggers have been as busy as ever. To catch up on all things Wal Mart visit The Writing On The Wal.

MORE ILLEGAL WAL MART SHANIGANS… A Canadian store that Wal Mart claimed it closed for financial reasons was actually a hotbed of union activity. According to a documentary aired last Friday…

WORST PICK UP LINES… I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart…

My Soundtrack: Fancy Claps by Wolf Parade on WOXY.

Posted in Walmart | No Comments »

7 December 2005

AND YOU THOUGHT EVOLUTION WAS A BATTLE…

0602 by Jeff Hess

From Live Journal blogger Q pheevr comes: A Roguish Chrestomathy — The Wrathful Dispersion controversy: A Canadian perspective the pultaceous wisdom of a word weevil. I have met and talked with religious people who argue that god purposely planted those pesky dinosaur fossils as a joke. Q pheevr’s argument is not that weird.

Posted in Superstition & Ignorance | No Comments »

6 December 2005

INTERNET FUNNIES FROM DAD…

0735 by Jeff Hess

On a gray Cleveland morning my dad supplies a few chuckles under the heading of Words Of Wisdom to send me off into the cold to wrestle with students, snow and sneezes. While pornography rules the Internet, humor runs a very close second. I know I’ve read more jokes in the last 10 years than I did in the previous 40.

I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, So, which six items would you like to buy?

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. Young man, we’re both 90 years old, the husband said. We may not have 45 minutes.

They were seated immediately.

The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should get used to the idea.

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?

Artie said, I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.

Merle commented, I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives.

Don said, I’d like them to say, ‘Look! He’s moving!’

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, God, what does a million years mean to you?

The Lord replies, A minute. Smith asks, And what does a million dollars mean to you? The Lord replies, A penny.

Smith asks, Can I have a penny?

The Lord replies, In a minute.

A man goes to see the Rabbi. Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it. The Rabbi asked, What’s wrong?

The man replied, My wife is poisoning me. The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, How can that be? The man then pleads, I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?

The Rabbi then offers, Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. I spoke to your wife…spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, Take the poison.

Thanks Dad, I love you.

My Soundtrack: Shake Our Tree by The Rosebuds on WOXY.

Posted in Humor | 2 Comments »

6 December 2005

BLOGGER ALERT…!

0717 by Jeff Hess

Diane Rehm is interviewing Dan Burnstein this morning between 11 a.m. and noon. Burnstein is the co-author of Road Warriors: Dreams and Nightmares Along the Information Highway. He’ll be talking with Rehm about how blogs are changing politics, business and culture. I can’t listen live but WCPN archieves the stream.

Posted in Espresso Shot | 1 Comment »

6 December 2005

GREAT CONCEPT…

0648 by Jeff Hess

Flawed execution. Feministing, along with the Younger Women’s Task Force and Girls In Government is looking for women to make up its Real Hot 100 list. Looking beyond surgically enhanced breasts is a great concept. Modifying women with young damages the list. What would have been wrong with dumping any nebulous age qualifier?

We”re tired of the media telling young women how to be hot! The Real Hot 100 shows that young women are hot for reasons beyond their ability to pose provocatively in a magazine. Really Hot Women are smart. Really Hot Women work for change. Really Hot Women aren”t afraid to speak their minds. And while some Really Hot Women might look awesome in a bikini, they know that”s not all they have to offer.

The Real Hot 100 will compile a list of young women who are Really Hot, and publish it in magazine format in June 2006. Anyone can nominate a young woman who is Really Hot, and the Real Hot 100 selection committee will choose 100 women that best represent the intelligence, drive and diversity of young women in the U.S.

By nominating a Really Hot Woman, not only will you help battle the popular notion that all young women have to offer is their ability to appeal to men, but you are also helping highlight the important — but often overlooked — work young women are doing are doing for their communities and the nation as a whole.

Yes, I understand that the website is targeted at young women, whatever that means, but as long as we continue to divide ourselves with modifiers we will weaken and possibly damage the idea that humans are humans. Period. Can’t we all just get over ourselves?

My Soundtrack: Numb by Portishead on WOXY.

Posted in Life, The Universe & Everything | 6 Comments »

5 December 2005

LE PAPILLON…

2040 by Jeff Hess


I’m a sucker for all things Japanese, but this combination of cold-pressed paper, watercolors and superb animation is a beautiful thing.

My Soundtrack: Tomorrow’s Sky by Frausdots on WOXY.

Posted in Life, The Universe & Everything | No Comments »

5 December 2005

IF YOU EVER NEEDED PROOF…

2020 by Jeff Hess

…that regardless of what a corporation might say, it is all about the money, you have to look no further than the despicable actions of BellSouth this weekend. When faced with a government action that threatens a profit center in New Orleans, the Ma Bell wannabe decided to take its bat and ball and go home.

Hours after New Orleans officials announced Tuesday that they would deploy a city-owned, wireless Internet network in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, regional phone giant BellSouth Corp. withdrew an offer to donate one of its damaged buildings that would have housed new police headquarters, city officials said yesterday.

According to the officials, the head of BellSouth’s Louisiana operations, Bill Oliver, angrily rescinded the offer of the building in a conversation with New Orleans homeland security director Terry Ebbert, who oversees the roughly 1,650-member police force.

I remember a Bloom County cartoon from the early ’80s in which the ATT logo was compared to the Death Star. Seems like Darth Phone is making a comeback.

My Soundtrack: Fill Me With Your Light by Clem Snide on WOXY.

Posted in Hurricane Katrina | 4 Comments »

5 December 2005

DEATH BY WEALTH…

0654 by Jeff Hess

Back in 2000, Mack Metcalf won a $34 million lottery jackpot. After one high moment — taking his daughter on a $500 shopping spree — Metcalf began a slide that ended in his death from alcoholism at age 45 and the apparent drug overdose death of his estranged second wife. How many people’s lives do we destroy each year with our lotteries?

Posted in Espresso Shot | 6 Comments »

5 December 2005

FOR THE 3RD RING OF HELL…

0551 by Jeff Hess

Everybody hates automated telephone menus. We crave real human contact. If you want to cut to the chase, surf over to Paul English’s Interactive Voice Response Cheat Sheet to find out how to bypass all of the hardware and software and get right to the wetware. I used to just press 0, but the companies got sneaky. Get sneaky back.

Posted in Espresso Shot | No Comments »

4 December 2005

A CENTURY OF MOMENTS…

1950 by Jeff Hess

I zoomed out onto the Internet at a screaming 300 baud with my Apple II plus and Apple Cat modem. We had no clue (we still don’t), but the adventure continues to be a great one. Asian American News Journalism Unlimited has come up with a list of 100 Internet moments. Like all lists, it’s debatable, but it’s still fun. What’s your favorite?

Posted in Espresso Shot | No Comments »

4 December 2005

WHAT WOULD YOU PICK?

1753 by Jeff Hess

The British Ecologist magazine is running an essay contest with a £2,500 first prize seeking the answer to this question: What Is Humanity’s Worst Invention? Those who think they have the answer must submit their up-to-2,000-word essay prior to 15 March of next year. Off the top of my head, I’m thinking it was revolving credit.

Posted in Espresso Shot | 5 Comments »

4 December 2005

WRITING THE LIVES OF WOMEN…

1359 by Jeff Hess

Today is the birthday of short-story writer Grace Paley who wrote, in her words, about every day life, kichen life, children’s life. She once responded to the question, Why don’t you write more politics? by saying: Writing the lives of women is politics. I think one of my heros, Marge Piercy, whose Sex Wars is now out, must be one of Paley’s heirs.

Posted in Espresso Shot | No Comments »

3 December 2005

HELP MR. WIZARD…!

1540 by Jeff Hess

Science projects like those on Sci toys are the reason I loved my high school science classes with Mr. Smith and Mr. Gwyn. You get to shoot stuff and, if you’re not careful, see things blow up. (Hint: never add water to acid, add acid to water.) The gauss rifle is really cool. I may build a few of these projects just to share with my students.

Posted in Espresso Shot | 1 Comment »

2 December 2005

IN THE WILDERNESS…

0642 by Jeff Hess

In noting the birthday of writer Nikos Kazantzakis this morning, Garrison Keillor quotes from Kazantzakis’ book Report To Greco where an abbot in the Sinai tells a young man: All voices can be heard here in the desert. And especially two which are difficult to tell apart: God’s and the devil’s. Isn’t that always the case?

Posted in Espresso Shot | No Comments »

2 December 2005

CONTEST DEADLINE EXTENDED…!

0631 by Jeff Hess

Because I lost the contest entries in my hard drive crash, I’ve extended the contest deadline for one week. If you sent in an entry, please resubmit. If you haven’t entered, now’s your chance. Click on the lovely assistant to the left to can win fame, fortune and females; well really just a music CD courtesy of WOXY, but they’re really good CDs.

Posted in Espresso Shot | No Comments »

2 December 2005

WHAT’S YOUR BRAND…?

0552 by Jeff Hess

What do knowledge workers do with the prediction from Gartner that within three years companies will require 10 percent of us to buy our own laptops? Stephen Baker at Blogspotting advises: For starters, we blog. That way we build our individual brands, our knowledge, and our network of connections. How are you building your brand?

Posted in Espresso Shot | 2 Comments »

1 December 2005

ZEN FORMATTING…

1650 by Jeff Hess

In more than 30 years of dealing with mainframe, mini and micro computers, this is the first time I’ve ever had a hard drive crash. I’m back up and running but I lost my email files and address book so until people start contacting me, or I find them in person, I’m going to be out of touch with you.

If you’re someone with whom I communicate on a regular basis, please drop me an email with the usual information — phone numbers, address, etc. — so that I can start rebuilding my files.

One of the things I’m considering is that because I have a blank hard drive to play with, what is the ultimate organizational structure for files? What has worked best for you? Do you put a date in your file names? Do you use similar names to group similar files?

I’m going to wait probably a week or so before I decide. I’d really like to come up with something elegant.

My Soundtrack: The Ballad Of A Mix Tape by Comet Gain on WOXY.

Posted in Life, The Universe & Everything | 8 Comments »

29 November 2005

THIS WAS SO ME THIS WEEK…

2024 by Jeff Hess


OK, so Carol Lay was doing some serious channeling of my energies.

My Soundtrack: Kissing Families by Silversun Pickups on WOXY.

Posted in Humor | No Comments »

28 November 2005

CO2, CH4 HIGHEST IN 650,000 YEARS…

1041 by Jeff Hess

By analyzing the bubbles in a two-mile-long Antartic ice core, scientists found that the atmosheric concentrations of carbon dioxide and methane are, respectively, 27 percent and 130 percent higher than they have been in 650,000 years. This is saying, Yeah, we had it right. This is real, said Richard Alley, a Penn State University geophysicist.

Posted in Espresso Shot, Impeach Bush | No Comments »

26 November 2005

HEEE’S BAACCCKKKK…

1232 by Jeff Hess

[Update — 30 November, 1918 — The new hard drive is installed. The old drive is a great paperweight. Quite a bit of data was lost, but nothing critical. I’ll be reinstalling things over the next couple of days.]

[Update — 30 November — …Or at least the hard drive is. Ray, my geek, told me that all the components came out fine but that the computer was running hot and that that probably killed the drive.

I’m installing a new hard drive this evening which means I’m going to be spending much of the weekend installing and updating Windows and restoring other software and data.

I’m also buying a USB hard drive to set up as a shadow so that I won’t have this kind of downtime in the future.]

It might have been the gravy, who knows, but my laptop is now in the hands of the Geek Squad. It could be a software glitch, it could be the hard disc controller. I probbably won’t know until Tuesday or Wednesday. I will be checking in via Web Mail, but I don’t expect to be doing any posting. Keep your fingers crossed…

Posted in Life, The Universe & Everything | 6 Comments »

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