THIS IS THE HUMAN CONDITION…
0657 by Jeff Hesscaught between the mesh
of rope and the net of stars, suspended, tangled up
in love, running out of time.
From In the Middle by Barbara Crooker.
1 December 2006
1 December 2006
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff Hess
My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from A Charlestonian”s Recollections 1846-1913 by Daniel Elliot Huger Smith.
To understand the movements of this week, it must be borne in mind that Sherman occupied Columbia on 17th February, and Hardee evacuated Charleston on 18th. p. 98
30 November 2006
THE ORIGINAL ONE-HIT WONDER…
1612 by Jeff HessYou’ve really got to feel for this guy. Via I See Invisible People.
30 November 2006
TIME TO SHOVEL THE BLOGPILE…
1600 by Jeff Hess
Because I’m devoting most of my time in November to the Novel In A Month Challenge, I’ve set up 30 items from my blogpile — items I once thought interesting but never blogged about — for everyone to discuss. Next up is 18 Tricks to Teach Your Body. Scoop, lever, heave, scoop, lever…
30 November 2006
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff Hess
From Grunt MP: Saturday night I got a phone call from my team chief. He was calling to see if we were okay. They were in a blackout down there (no calls out, no internet) because someone had been KIA (killed in action) and they didn’t know who it was. Yesterday morning we heard that it was a USSF (Special Forces) that was KIA up near TK, one of the Forward…
30 November 2006
FROM MY DAD…
0717 by Jeff Hess
November is a light-blogging month for me as I take part in the National Novel Writing Month and pound out 50,000 words in 30 days. During this time I’m relying on a cache of emails from my dad to help fill in the space so that Have Coffee Will Write doesn’t go dark. I’ll be back full-time on Friday, 1 December. B’shalom, Y’all.
CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
DONATION
Father O’Malley answers the phone.
“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”
“It is.”
“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”
“I can.”
“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”
“I do.”
“Is he a member of your congregation?”
“He is.”
“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”
“He will.”
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.”
Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man: “What sins?”
Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man: “I’m Jewish.”
Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”
Man: “I’m 92 years old …. I’m telling everybody.”
30 November 2006
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from A Charlestonian”s Recollections 1846-1913 by Daniel Elliot Huger Smith.
During the bitter years of misrule, miscalled “Reconstruction,” many of us who survived believed that those who died in the flush of hope for their country, and of self-sacrifice for duty, were to be envied by us, who were facing daily for eleven years rancorous and supercilious and contemptuous ppression. p. 93
29 November 2006
TIME TO SHOVEL THE BLOGPILE…
1600 by Jeff HessBecause I’m devoting most of my time in November to the Novel In A Month Challenge, I’ve set up 30 items from my blogpile — items I once thought interesting but never blogged about — for everyone to discuss. Next up is Oh the humanity. Scoop, lever, heave, scoop, lever…
29 November 2006
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff HessFrom CAPT Lee Kelley: We recently had a problem with one of our satellite dishes. Since I am in charge of communications, my section was responsible for troubleshooting the system. In the end, it took one of my NCOs, SGT M, to painstakingly move the dish 1/8 of an inch to the right and left every thirty seconds for almost two hours to get a signal lock. But his patience paid off….
29 November 2006
WAL MART WEDNESDAY…
1000 by Jeff Hess
It’s been a busy week in Wally World: the Universe’s source of cheap plastic crap. On The Writing On The Wal — the blog USA Today says should be on its readers’ radar — Jonathan Rees, Robert Feinman and I continue our work dedicated to drawing back the curtain on the Bentonvile Behemoth’s corporate disinformation and other flackery.
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 117… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 309 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 118… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
AT THE WALLY PLEX… There are sound stages on Hollywood”s back lots smaller than Bentonvile”s behemoths, so it”s no surprise that budding video talent has been sneaking cameras in at odd hours. And now for the midnight show at the Wally Plex featuring keithyhuntington. Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 119… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 120… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 121… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 122… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO 123… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
UPDATE FROM PULLMAN… The fight by citizens of Pullman, Washington against the Walmarting of their community continues with a decision to carry the battle to the 3rd District Court of Appeals in Spokane. According to The Pullman Alliance for Responsible Development: Keep reading…
WHY SHOPPERS LOVE WAL MART, NO. 124… The consumer revolution is being blogged and one of the walls up against which retailers are being placed is My 3 Cents. Stop in and type a search for Wal-Mart and watch the search engine whir. I got 317 hits, like this one: Keep reading…
29 November 2006
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff HessNovember is a light-blogging month for me as I take part in the National Novel Writing Month and pound out 50,000 words in 30 days. During this time I’m relying on a cache of emails from my dad to help fill in the space so that Have Coffee Will Write doesn’t go dark. I’ll be back full-time on Friday, 1 December. B’shalom, Y’all.
If you need a laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q : How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g.,abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie
Q: What does “varicose” mean? (I do love this one…)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
29 November 2006
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from A Charlestonian”s Recollections 1846-1913 by Daniel Elliot Huger Smith.
My brother Robert had enlisted in the Marion Artillery during the previous winter, so that I remained the only son left at home. Then ensued a struggle between my mother and myself.
I declared my intention of joining the army, whereupon my mother wrote to Dr. Geddings, then serving as chief of the Examining Board. Dr. Geddings promptly replied that the loss of my right eye exempted me from service in the field. Then I told my mother that I could see very well with my left eye, and that one did not need both eyes to serve in the artillery.
Then my mother wrote to our friend, Mr. William Porcher Miles, a member of Congress, who told her he had secured a clerkship for me in a Government bureau in Richmond, and she carefully explained that I could thus serve my country equally well. My reply was that I did not care to start life feeling ashamed of myself, and I declined to take advantage of Mr. Miles kindness. p. 81
28 November 2006
TIME TO SHOVEL THE BLOGPILE…
1600 by Jeff HessBecause I’m devoting most of my time in November to the Novel In A Month Challenge, I’ve set up 30 items from my blogpile — items I once thought interesting but never blogged about — for everyone to discuss. Next up is Simply Beautiful. Scoop, lever, heave, scoop, lever…
28 November 2006
MY COMMENTS…
1502 by Jeff Hess
Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.
28 November 2006
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff HessFrom CAPT Matt Smenos: When Matt gets home…things are gonna happen. When Matt gets home…it”s gonna be great. When Matt gets home…we”ll all be happy. When Matt gets home, Matt”s kids are going to shout and imagine and play. They”ll hug their mom and tell her secrets. They”ll never let anyone tell them they”re not good enough. When Matt gets home, Matt”s…
28 November 2006
BEING OLD…
0817 by Jeff Hessit would be possible for him
to abandon her where she is and joke about it
later, but he’s alone and the guilt can’t be
divided into small forgettable pieces;
he’s finding out what it means
to be a man and how different it is
from the way that only hours ago he imagined it.
From The Rites of Manhood by Alden Nowlan.
28 November 2006
FROM MY DAD…
0800 by Jeff Hess
November is a light-blogging month for me as I take part in the National Novel Writing Month and pound out 50,000 words in 30 days. During this time I’m relying on a cache of emails from my dad to help fill in the space so that Have Coffee Will Write doesn’t go dark. I’ll be back full-time on Friday, 1 December. B’shalom, Y’all.
28 November 2006
FROM MY CHAPBOOK…
0400 by Jeff HessMy name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.
This is a passage I copied from A Charlestonian”s Recollections 1846-1913 by Daniel Elliot Huger Smith.
But necessarily I must often state opinions, which are my own. In considering these you must bear in mind these Axioms:
First, a fait accompli is not retro-active in its effect. The accomplishment does not make the act itself right, and of course does not justify the course which led to it. Second, a thing is right or it is wrong! It cannot be right as each side “saw it.”
(a) If a state had the right to secede, then the North fought for conquest and the South for freedom. (b) If the United States Government was the overlord or Suzerain of the State Governments in 1860, then the Southern States were in rebellion against an overlord created by the Constitution of 1787.
No consideration of expediency can alter fundamental principles. They can only be adduced as excuses for the evasion or avoidance of such principles.
The right of secession, as declared and elucidated by the great leaders of political opinion in Virginia, New England and elsewhere, was undoubted up to 1860. The question of the exercise of this right was one of expediency. p. 69
27 November 2006
TIME TO SHOVEL THE BLOGPILE…
1600 by Jeff HessBecause I’m devoting most of my time in November to the Novel In A Month Challenge, I’ve set up 30 items from my blogpile — items I once thought interesting but never blogged about — for everyone to discuss. Next up is Monologue disguised as…. Scoop, lever, heave, scoop, lever…
27 November 2006
FROM THE SANDBOX…
1200 by Jeff HessFrom Teflon Don: Today was bleak. The temperature hovered near 55 degrees all day, and dipped down to 40 with the sunset. “Sunset” is a terrible word to describe it — today was windy, and the recent lack of rain gave the breeze an abundance of fine dust to toss about like some mockery of snow. The sky was grey and hazy, and faded down into a greyish hue of tan as it dropped to…
