20 February 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from A Strategy For Daily Living by Ari Kiev.

“The Secret of success is constancy of purpose,” Benjamin Disraeli.

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19 February 2007

SOMEONE SHOULD BURN IN HELL…

1250 by Jeff Hess

This must be one of the vilest sins ever committed by anyone in marketing and the person responsible must be found, hanged, drawn, burned and quartered. Very few Americans have ever had the extreme displeasure of tasting the foul, demoniacally contrived substances known as Marmite in England and Vegemite in Australia.

I have and more than 25 years later I still shudder at the experience. This review says it all.

Posted in Humor | 3 Comments »

19 February 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

CAPT Matt Smenos: It used to be the remoteness of it all. The lean, Spartan efficiency of a “Forward Operating Base” made us uncomfortable. In July of 2006, when we first arrived in Sharana, my team of Airmen and I couldn’t believe how little there was here. Our huts were simple, four-walled boxes. The occasional dividing wall or curtain within was seen as a…

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19 February 2007

MY COMMENTS…

0853 by Jeff Hess

Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.

0858 Could you do it?

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19 February 2007

MONA’S MONDAY…

0800 by Jeff Hess

My dad isn’t the only one who sends me fun stuff via email. A good friend and educational mentor also routinely passes along her share of chuckles — intermixed with not a few requests for veracity on things viral and outragious. Don’t worry, there still plenty of stuff to come From My Dad but occassionally I’ll toss a few of Mona’s finds in as well.

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

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19 February 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from A Strategy For Daily Living by Ari Kiev.

“The man who succeeds above his fellows is the one who early in life clearly discerns his object and toward that object he habitually directs his powers. Even genius itself is but fine observation strengthened by fixity of purpose. Every man who observes vigilantly and resolves steadfastly grows unconsciously into genius” Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton.

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18 February 2007

GOD INC… PART VI…

1630 by Jeff Hess

Posted in Superstition & Ignorance, Video | No Comments »

18 February 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

Eric Coulson: Errands to run today. Out the back door (I almost always leave that way) I hop up onto the ledge of the Texas barriers that surround the porta-potties, hop down past the HESCO Barriers and by one generator. Now I am out in the open. I cross a small footbridge and find my self in a field of connex containers. This is also were we stage the logistic…

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18 February 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

The Year’s Best (actual) Headlines of 2006:

(I’m always suspicious of anything on the Internet that has to tell me that is it true or actual. But writing heads is tricky and these are fun nonetheless.)

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

(This one is actually fine. This is why we have hyphens.)

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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18 February 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from A Strategy For Daily Living by Ari Kiev.

“A successful life does not result from chance nor is it determined by fate or good fortune, but from a succession of successful days.”

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17 February 2007

GOD INC… PART V…

1630 by Jeff Hess

Posted in Superstition & Ignorance, Video | No Comments »

17 February 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

SGT Roy Batty: I had been out of bed for less than an hour, and was already fighting tooth and nail not to have a bad day. Do you ever have mornings like that? Daybreaks where everything in the house is doing its dead level best to trip you up? Where it seems that the bitter angels of daylight have conspired against you all night, and you are flailing helplessly…

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17 February 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

It’s Saturday and your condom of the week is brought to you by Pringles!

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17 February 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from A Strategy For Daily Living by Ari Kiev.

Kiev derived his eight principles from a genesis request: “I want some kind of daily checklist to help keep me on track during times of doubt and indecision. I know I must solve my own problems, but if I had some general rules to follow it would make things a lot easier for me.”

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16 February 2007

GOD INC… PART IV…

1630 by Jeff Hess

Posted in Superstition & Ignorance, Video | No Comments »

16 February 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

1SG Troy Steward: Day 6 of Operation Mountain Fury started with a good breakfast shared with my ANA brothers. The half of Recon Company we have here is doing a really good job, and the 10th Mountain boys really like them and say they are the best ANA they have ever worked with. Face and I drank coffee while the ANA drank chai tea. I ate some oatmeal along with some…

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16 February 2007

DOES WAL-MART EVER HAVE A PLAN B…?

0809 by Jeff Hess


Normally I wait for Wal-Mart Wednesdays to post the news from Wally World, but this one couldn’t wait. A month ago I posted about Tashina Byrd and the Wal-Mart pharmacist who laughed in her face when she tried to legally purchase Plan B. Things worked out for Byrd, she got what she needed at another pharmacy, but the story didn’t end there.

Byrd is now a rallying point for the National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League and the focus of a letter writing campaign targeted at Wal-Mart CEO Lee Scott.

In an email solicitation Bryd writes:

You won’t believe what happened to me when I went with my boyfriend to Wal-Mart to buy Plan B — the “morning-after” pill — after our condom broke.

The pharmacist laughed in our faces and told us, “We have it on hand, but there’s no one here who can dispense it.”

My name is Tashina Byrd, and this happened to me at my local Wal-Mart in Springfield, Ohio.

It can be embarrassing to share a private, personal experience like this, but I don’t want other women to be subjected to the humiliation and anger I felt when the pharmacist laughed at me.

That’s why I’m asking for your help today. I recently sent a letter to Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott, Jr., urging him to change company policy to guarantee that pharmacies fill requests for Plan B without delay, just like they do for any other over-the-counter medicine. Click here to send your letter to Wal-Mart today.

You’ve already proven that together we can make Wal-Mart do what’s right for women. Last year, because of pressure from pro-choice activists like you, Wal-Mart reversed its discriminatory policy against stocking Plan B. Now, it’s time to ensure that they not only stock it but also sell it without delay or inconvenience.

In the end, I was lucky. I found another pharmacy that stocked Plan B and was willing to sell it to me. But what would happen to a woman who lives in a rural area — where Wal-Mart is often the only pharmacy — where the nearest drugstore could be 60 miles away or more? What if the second pharmacy refused, too?

Posted in Superstition & Ignorance | 1 Comment »

16 February 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Posted in From My Dad, Humor | No Comments »

16 February 2007

MY COMMENTS…

0726 by Jeff Hess

Part of being a good citizen of the blogosphere is visiting, reading and, most importantly, taking the time to leave a comment on other’s blogs. It’s all about the conversation. In the interest of setting an example I’ve decided to link to those blog posts that have compelled me to leave a comment.

0724 new employment, anxiety and absence

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16 February 2007

HOW DID WE EVER SURVIVE…?

0710 by Jeff Hess

Note to parents of perfect children: tell it to someone who cares. I’m the oldest, by six years, of four siblings and I’m sure we had our share of squabbles, but I don’t remember anything life threatening or even blood producing before I left home. So as I read Michael Lewis’ column this morning I have to ask: is this generational or just a girl thing?

I walk in, note [my daughters] squabbling madly about who gets the grape yogurt and who the strawberry, see the pools growing in [my wife] Tabitha’s eyes, take her in my arms and ask, “Do you two have any idea how lucky you are to have a mom who takes such good care of you?”

Dixie, preoccupied with the Battle for the Grape One, does not hear me, but Quinn looks up for a moment, stares at us, and says, “There’s lots of good moms.”

And then there’s this:

At the first opportunity Quinn snuck into the TV room, clicked around the Tivo, found a biography of Bill Gates, and called Dixie in to watch it with her. An hour later I returned to find them both waiting for me: Quinn with hands on hips, Dixie forlorn and grasping a handful of berries.

“Daddy,” said Dixie, seriously. “I got some berries from the Gulf Stream waters.”

“Why did you do that?”

“So we can eat them. Because we are poor.”

Which seemed like a sweet reaction to the Bill Gates documentary, until Quinn fixed me with her I’m-here-to-speak-the-truth-to-power stare and said, “We’re poor, Daddy. And you didn’t tell us. You lied to us.”

And this:

Must the 7-year-old mind discover for itself every possible way to offend other people before it can settle on a more sociable approach? Is this just the bug that comes with the software upgrade? I don’t know. At any rate, as I stand there with her mother crying in my arms searching for the words that will encourage her to be sweet, I come up empty. “Your mother takes really good care of you and me and Dixie and Walker, and I’m really proud of her,” I finally say.

“You’re just saying that to make her feel better,” says Quinn.

And we wonder why Cain slew Able.

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