I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

You must love to write and bear the loneliness.

The above photo may cost Stacy Synder her teaching career because adminstrators (there’s that horrible word again) have decided it promotes underage drinking. Would it have been OK if the pirate hat had been adult sized and she’d been sipping her diet cola from a frosty mug? Am I going to have to burn my cruise books from my Navy days?

Have the terrorists NEOCons put something in our water?

Thirteen years ago, in his New Year’s column, Tom Peter’s 14th of 15 strategies for 1994 was: Benchmark against the zany. Benchmarking usually falls short of its potential, because we compare ourselves with the wrong organizations. Test yourself against the most interesting/zany companies (outside your industry more likely than in), not yesterday’s stars.

If you’re in an auto company and it’s not as exciting as CNN, ask yourself why.

I look at this list every year, and add things to it. I stopped at the Coachella site this evening and thought: this is what the folks who do the Ingenuity Festival ought to be benchmarking against. Why? Because it is zany. For reports on the event, pop here and here.

And note, not a plus-sign in sight.

I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is How to Turn Bad Habits into Good Habits.

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: “Nice pigs, sir.”

The President replied, “These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas razorback hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “Excellent trade, sir.”

Unless I missed an earlier occurrence — and that is quite possible — I believe that this is the first time a murderer has confessed to their crime via Post Secret. It will be interesting to see if any law enforcement officials take any action. There are lots of questions, not the least of which is who could possibly have jurisdiction?

And if the murderer took even rudimentary precautions, what would be the point?

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

The writer shapes story around a perception of what”s worth living for, what”s worth dying for, what”s foolish to pursue, the meaning of justice, truth-the essential values. p. 17.

Two friends — I See Invisible People and Writes Like She Talks — alerted me to this story. Read this and weep for our nation: a senior at suburban Cary-Grove High School [with a 4.2 GPA and no record of trouble] was charged this week with two misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct after the principal turned his creative writing essay over to police.

“In light of recent events (at Virginia Tech), that is part of the context of what happened that makes the reaction all the more reasonable,” said Tom Carroll, first assistant state’s attorney in McHenry County.

Reasonable? In what feckin’ universe is this reasonable?

Will high school English classes now be relegated to writing essays on cute puppies and kitties? Will all literature be reduced to the reading of… gawd… I’m having a difficult time thinking of something non-violent enough to squeak past the fear-of-litigation driven administrators (that word alone ought to chill the heart of any free-thinking person) running our schools.

Folks. The number on cause of death is life. None of us get out of here alive and nothing, absolutely nothing can change that.

And if we keep trying to suck the essence out of life by making everything nice and safe, what’s the point?

I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is Find Things in Seconds in Your Files- Really!

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “what is your occupation?”

“I’m a Lady of the night,” she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that”

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.

“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.”

“Chicken Farmer it is.”

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

Other writers on writing to check: William Archer; Kenneth Rowe, Write that Play; John Howard Lawson, Film: The Creative Process and The Theory and Technique of Playwriting and Screenwriting. p. 16.