9 June 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

The year was 1940. The dancers are Fred Astaire and Eleanor Powell (some of you are saying who are Fred and Eleanor?). It was filmed in one shot (without cuts). One take only. Where are the artists who could do this today?

9 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

The Film Genres I: Love story/buddy salvation; Horror — Uncanny, Supernatural and Super-uncanny; Modern Epic; Western; War — Pro-war and Anti-war; Maturation; Redemption; Punitive; Testing; Education and Disillusionment.

8 June 2007

THREE DOG NIGHT, JOY TO THE WORLD…

2359 by Jeff Hess

8 June 2007

GAWD… SOMETIMES I DO MISS THE FLEET…

1435 by Jeff Hess

8 June 2007

MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…

1400 by Jeff Hess

I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is Douglas Adams: The First and Last Tapes III.

8 June 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their web site is www.whorepresents.com.

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com.

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net.

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com.

5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com.

6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com.

7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com/.

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com.

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com.

8 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

No matter our talent, we all know in the midnight of our souls that 90 percent of what we do is less than our best.

7 June 2007

MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…

1400 by Jeff Hess

I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is Douglas Adams: The First and Last Tapes II.

7 June 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

1SG Troy Steward: I have done a lot of missions with my man Face. We spent many a day together cramped in a HUMVEE, just us and maybe a terp or two. Because of that I have a lot of pictures of him. He is a guy that constantly cracked us up with his funny faces and anecdotes. Before we left Afghanistan I made this video. The song is “I See Pretty…

7 June 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

Sometimes.

Sometimes,
When you cry,
No one sees your tears.

Sometimes,
When you are in pain,
No one sees your hurt.

Sometimes,
When you are worried,
No one sees your stress.

Sometimes,
When you are happy,
No one sees your smile .

But fart just one time,
And everybody knows.

7 June 2007

STEAM TREK: THE MOVING PICTURE…

0756 by Jeff Hess

7 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

Ask myself: which scene is truest for my characters; which is truest to their world; which has never been on the screen quite this way before?

6 June 2007

WAL-MART WEDNESDAY…

2000 by Jeff Hess

It’s been a busy week in Wally World: the Universe’s source of cheap plastic crap. On The Writing On The Wal — the blog USA Today says should be on its readers’ radar — Jonathan Rees, Robert Feinman, Peter Sayles and I continue our work dedicated to drawing back the curtain on the Bentonvile Behemoth’s corporate disinformation and other flackery.

COULD GREED BRING DOWN WAL-MART… In ecology carrying capacity and limiting factors help to determine the health of any functioning ecosystem and the populations it contains. If any one population grows too large and upsets the ecosystem, causing die-off in other populations. Keep reading…

AND THE MOST MISSPELLED WORD IS… …, At least, writes Google, more people type Wallmart instead of Wal-Mart (how Freudian is that?) into the search engine”s query box when they”re looking for all things cheap, plastic and crappy to fill our landfills. According to Google: Keep reading…

AT THE WALLY PLEX… There are sound stages on Hollywood”s back lots smaller than Bentonvile”s behemoths, so it”s no surprise that budding video talent has been sneaking cameras in at odd hours. And now for the midnight show at the Wally Plex featuring heathbug. Keep reading…

SHIFTING TO PLAN B FOR GRACIE PAGE… No, not that Plan B. If Gracie Page had been filling a prescription for that medication, she probably wouldn”t have needed to worry about dosage, if she got her prescription filled at all. But a Wal-Mart pharmacist did fill her prescription and gave her a bump in potency: Keep reading…

AT THE WALLY PLEX… There are sound stages on Hollywood”s back lots smaller than Bentonvile”s behemoths, so it”s no surprise that budding video talent has been sneaking cameras in at odd hours. And now for the midnight show at the Wally Plex featuring SabiHellson. Keep reading…

CORPORATE WELFARE AT IT”S WORST… There”s now yet another watch to watch: Wal-Mart Subsidy Watch. Brought to us by the folks at Good Jobs First, the website tracks Wal-Mart”s voracious use of public monies to line its oh so private pockets. You thought it was just tax-payer financed health care? Keep reading…

FENDI AND WAL-MART SETTLE SUIT… Nearly a year ago we reported on a lawsuit brought by handbag manufacturer Fendi against Wal-Mart for selling knock-offs of its product. Today Wal-Mart and Fendi settled the suit in a New York court for an undisclosed sum. Here”s the line, from Reuters, that I liked the best. Keep reading…

WAL-MART TO CUSTOMERS: LOAN US MONEY… [Update – 1936 – This thing is worse than I tought. Check out this fine print.] [Update – 1920 – It looks like CNNMoney is a tad late or Wal-Mart”s partner has let the cat out of the bag. I”m grabbing screenshots just in case. Thanks AW.] In yet another end run around banking restrictions, Wal-Mart is going the gift-card boondoggle one better by convincing customers to loan it money, interest free, in the form of pre-paid Visa card. According to CNN Money: Keep reading…

TOO GOOD FOR THE WALLYPLEX… Keep reading…

THE MOTLEY FOOL ON WAL-MART AND DELL… Keep reading…

HEY PETER, CAN YOU TELL US MORE…? Keep reading…

WAL-MART VS. HOMELAND SECURITY… Wal-Mart continues to take hits for its opposition to examining all shipping containers entering the United States. To be fair, Wal-Mart has the most to lose, but so far industries – like rail and chemicals – have avoided sharing the burden. Keep reading…

DUELING BILLIONAIRES… The case of Julie Roehm vs. Wal-Mart just gets more and more twisted. Now another billionaire (who doesn”t work for or own part of Wal-Mart) has gotten involved because he claims Roehm has defamed his character.
Keep reading…

6 June 2007

WE GOT A +… LONDON GOT THIS (FOR £400,000)…

1607 by Jeff Hess


It looks as if the ’80s has thrown up into 2012.
Forget the lawyers, first kill all the marketers.
(Before they kill us. Thanks Molly.)
And now it’s a Zionist plot?
Or, OMG, Lisa Simpson giving head. Thanks Cailin.
Of course, London is not the only logo marketers have screwed up.

6 June 2007

25 AND COUNTING…

1542 by Jeff Hess

Adam Harvey posts a quesiton from a left-coast dweller to Brewed Fresh Daily: I just quit my silicon valley job… Send me an email and let me know why I should move to cleveland! As of 1507 today, the discussion has reached 25 comments. Stop in and tell her why you think a 40-something woman should open a spa or boutique in Tremont.

6 June 2007

MUCKING OUT THE BLOGPILE…

1400 by Jeff Hess

I’m constantly tossing interesting websites into what I call my blogpile. Some of them find their way here in the form of regular posts, but more often than not they languish and get buried deeper in the pile. The end result is that I have to go back and do a bit of shoveling. Today’s item is Douglas Adams: The First and Last Tapes I.

6 June 2007

FROM THE SANDBOX…

1200 by Jeff Hess

Tadpole: This may sound silly, in fact at first it may make you think I am crazy, but the fact is that for the last few weeks I have really missed Afghanistan. I have given this a lot of thought, and I have discussed it with a few people, including some veterans, and I have realized that perhaps it is not as crazy as it may initially seem. You see I have realized that…

6 June 2007

FROM MY DAD…

0800 by Jeff Hess

I could never bring myself to forward all the email jokes, cartoons and other Internet comedy that land in my inbox. But then I started posting the ones my dad sends me. Judging from my comments and emails, my dad has become one of my greatest blogging assets. So for your morning blog chuckle I present: From My Dad.

A LITTLE HISTORY TRIVIA.

The 3 Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hiram, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97º.

The three brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 3 gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car which was about 130º — turned on the air-conditioner and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent.

The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million but they wanted the recognition by having a label “The Goldberg Air-Conditioner” on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit Anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldbergs’ name on 2 million Ford cars.

They haggled back and forth for about 2 hours and finally agreed on 4 million dollars and that just their first names would be shown.

And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls, the names “Norm, Hi, & Max.”

6 June 2007

WHAT THEY SAID…

0725 by Jeff Hess

“…there’s a pattern here of Justice Department attorneys overstating what they have. I think they feel under tremendous pressure to vindicate the elaborate counterterrorism structure they’ve created since 9/11, including the Patriot Act.” Michael Greenberger, director of the Center for Health and Homeland Security at the University of Maryland.

6 June 2007

FROM MY CHAPBOOK…

0400 by Jeff Hess

My name is Jeff Hess and I’m a biblioholic. I own hundreds of books. Not valuable books, mostly Science Fiction paperbacks and text books, tomes rescued by the bag from library book sales. A few years ago, in the interest of not burying myself, I began reading more books from the library and taking notes. My electronic chapbook was born.

This is a passage I copied from Story: Substance, structure, style and the principles of screenwriting by Robert McKee.

Creativity means creative choices of inclusion and exclusion.

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