MY THREE-BUT…
In this exchange, the original is in bold, my comments are in italic and Jill Miller-Zimon’s comments are in normal text.
1. My newspaper has never crashed, gone down, or flashed animated ads at me. No, but it has dumped thousands and thousands of annoying slick circulars and other advertisement in your lap and all over the floor. You fail to see how valuable those flyers are for school kids and their inevitable collage assignments. I”m firmly convinced that collage is an art form created by Republican art teachers to distract us from the mountain of advertising material growing in our exurbs.
2. Anywhere I travel, my newspaper goes with me. I don”t need a laptop or a wireless connection or a PDA. True, but when your done reading the news on your laptop or PDA, you don”t have to search for a trash can to toss the news away. Somehow, I just don’t want to picture my dad in the bathroom thumbing the sports section on his PDA. Ick. Not to mention the inevitable result when your mother forgot to change the toilet paper roll (men, of course, are genetically incapable from replacing an empty roll).
3. I can read my newspaper while standing, while eating, while riding a bus, but not while driving my car, which is just as well since I should be paying attention to the road. Yes, but you can”t listen to your newspaper while you”re jogging or in the shower or driving. If papers were available to listen to, can you imagine how intrusive and annoying the ads on each page would sound? Which is why it”s wonderful that computers come with volume controls.
4. If I read a story I like, I can tear it out and save it, and not have to pay to read it 30 days later. Ah, but if you read a story you like and save it to your laptop, you don”t add to the clutter on your refrigerator or in your home office. There is no tactile pleasure in being your own clipping service if you’re only saving something to a folder on your laptop. Not to mention that it’s way more costly to abuse your laptop when you can’t find the clip, than just shoving piles of paper onto the floor. Hmmm… Perhaps I need to write an article for Real Simple about organizing your laptop?
5. I don”t have to sign in or customize or register or remember passwords to read my newspaper. And I often enjoy articles in my newspaper on topics I wouldn”t normally think I”d be interested in. And if you do it online, you”re not restricted to the editorial decisions of a team of editors concerning what is and isn”t newsworthy. Choice is way overrated. I know — I’m a woman. Ah, but variety is the spice of life; I know — I”m a man.
6. My newspaper has high-resolution pictures and type on large pages that load almost instantly, making it easy to browse and enjoy. That”s right, and if you”re vision impaired, you can actually enlarge the type on your laptop to make it more readable, not to mention have access to video and audio. True but then you have to look at multiple screens to read one story; when you’re reading the paper, an article is spread out over way fewer pages. That”s why they have that handy print version button, to get rid of all the annoying jumps. Site that don”t have this feature are so last century.
7. My newspaper is cheap, disposable and easy to replace. If it”s lost or stolen, it”s no big deal. That only works if you don”t consider the larger costs of a disposable medium that requires the destruction of millions of trees and takes up valuable landfill space. Think about all the jobs created by the newspaper recycling industry. In the Soviet Union everyone was guaranteed a job, even if it was a babushka sitting on the third floor of the library at the University of Moscow tasked to serve as a human thermostat by opening and closing the window at the end of the hall.
8. My newspaper is not made of unrecyclable toxic materials. Have you ever taken a look at the toxic content of color ink used in slick advertising? No, but does it taste good with flavored Vodka? No. There are only two acceptable additions to ice-cold vodka: fresh ground pepper or dry vermouth.
9. If my newspaper makes a mistake, the correction is posted with an explanation. It”s not sneakily applied to the original story after I”ve read it. But if the editor disagrees with your idea of what is a mistake, you don”t get to post a comment. That strikeout text thing is so annoying-and you don’t think anyone really clicks on the letters to the editor or corrections button for online newspapers, except the people who wrote the letters or requested the correction. There are alternatives to strikeouts corrections, such as the Update feature, which I prefer.
10. I can read my newspaper sitting outside on a nice day in the sun, even if a breeze is blowing, because I know how to fold a newspaper. And wireless connections and long battery life allows you to surf the world and read hundreds of newspapers from many sidewalk cafes. Tell me two things: the environmental implications of those batteries once they’re no longer any good and how to forever eradicate glare from my screen when I want to be anywhere near the sun. While all human activity adversely alters our environment, some are costlier than others. One battery recycled every three years or so is superior to several hundred pounds of newspaper a year. And if glare is a real problem for you, take a look at anti-glare screens that you can pick up for under $50
The simple fact is, when I’m reading a newspaper I don’t want to read 50 newspapers. I just want to read one. I’m not interested in the possibilities of ‘what I could read.’ Newspapers are perfect the way they are, it is us who are imperfect, who want possibilities without thinking of what we actually do on a day-to-day basis.
Shalom Adam,
First, thank you for stopping in, for reading and, most importantly, for taking the time to share your views. We build our community through our conversations.
But you do want a choice of newspapers, right?
You can read most newspapers online. There is no obligation to read more than one, but it requires a great deal of faith on a day-to-day basis to trust that your newspaper — or news organization — isn’t lying to you.
B’shalom,
Jeff