AULD LANG SYNE 2009
It’s been a year that had to pass,
Of fixing leaks and smoking grass.
Guns on trains, and guns in parks.
Politicians out on larks.
Johnny Edwards missed his cues,
Found himself back in the news.
Tiger baby, he’s the man,
Had his personal stimulus plan.
Top ten quotes, the votes are in.
From SC, three out of the ten..
“Out of Order” screamed, “You lie.”
Rude and crude, Fee, Foe, and Fie.
“Ultra runners” sans toenails,
Surely, Shirley, they’re all males.
Defriend, the anti-social rage,
Helps privatize your Facebook page.
Pet Airlines for our dear, best pals,
Bonnet Books for Amish gals.
Air N.Z’s Love in the Air,
Found singles here and flew them there.
Carnival said, “Please excuse”
And launched the world’s first cougar cruise.
Werewolves ruled as worse the luck,
However cute, Vampires still suck.
The banks won out again this year.
Foreclosure is our biggest fear.
Peas in a pod,
Bees in a hive,
We stick together to survive.
If you find the joy you sought,
It’s not much fun if you get caught.
No jobs, no dough, no more to pawn,
We find our things out on the lawn.
Attempting to spice up his life,
Our governor has lost his wife.
He swaggered as he told his tale
Far from the Appalachian Trail.
Commercialism has no end.
Homeless dolls the latest trend.
Scientific breakthroughs of this ilk:
Name your cows and get more milk.
Octo Mom and Kate plus eight,
Went public to promote their fate.
Balloon Boy’s dad was flying high,
Across the Colorado sky.
People that we loved the best
Have left us for eternal rest.
Jacko lost his final chance,
To show the world he still could dance.
Goodbye Dominick and Teddy,
To lose you both, we just weren’t ready.
Sophia Loren at 75,
Still looks great and still alive.
H1N1 is a threat.
And rumours on the internet.
Bribes from pharmos filtered down,
To stage tea parties all around.
Healthcare reform is something new.
A tough old Byrd helped push it through.
Now headed for another test,
In the Senate’s hornet’s nest.
Copenhagen got real hot,
To cool the world though, it did not.
Eurostar got stuck in snow,
The Chunnel trains just couldn’t go.
We end the year with stacks and stacks
Of unsold stuff and bargain racks.
Much time was lost on vicious cracks,
On calling names and tiger tracks.
(Denying Dans and Wagging Sadies,
I guess that you forgot the ’80’s.)
Let’s start again, repair our cover,
In one year and out the other.
May brotherhood unite our land.
“A house divided….cannot stand.”
The U.S. won the prize for peace.
Let our uncivil wars now cease.
Let’s be gentle, let’s be strong,
And let’s all try to get along.
by
Betty Austin