From my dad, of course…

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

Then they kick him in the ice hole.”

You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!

Never forget, even your own rules are there to be broken. Esther Freud

Ten rules for writing fiction from The Guardian.

Found in my electronic chapbook.

MYANMAR/BURMA — Is it possible to remove a dictator via a nation’s courts? Is it possible to so cripple a dictator infrastructure of control via a nation’s courts that the system collapses? Perhaps. Or, is it more likely that the lawyers will simply be put against the wall and shot? Myanmar is not India and the State Peace and Development Council (aka, Myanmar’s military dictators) is not Great Britain, regardless of the former colony ties.

From The Democratic Voice Of Burma:

Central Legal Aid Team of the National League for Democracy led by Nobel Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi is to set up lawyers’ networks across the regions of Burma, in an effort to provide legal assistance for detained dissidents and activists.

CLAT members Aung Thein and Khin Maung Shein have been touring Mandalay and Monywa in central Burma to meet with local lawyers to discuss their plan of building the networks.

“We discussed how the lawyers’ groups [networks] in the regions can provide assistance for those being persecuted in political cases that take place in their regions,” said Aung Thein.

“The network has no concern with being a member of the NLD – it is merely to assist those being involved in and working on court cases.”

“More importantly, there are child soldier and land confiscation issues in our country, and lawyers who work on those cases often don’t know where to seek assistance from. We are to act as volunteers for them.”

Remember that Gandhi began as a lawyer, but he left that legal training far behind when he engineered his nation’s independence.

Do what you can to make this a good morning, Myanmar.

From my dad, of course…

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Trust your reader. Not everything needs to be explained. If you really know something, and breathe life into it, they’ll know it too. Esther Freud

Ten rules for writing fiction from The Guardian.

Found in my electronic chapbook.

MYANMAR/BURMA — From 1975 to 1979 I served in the United States Navy and made two deployments — we called the cruises — to the Western Pacific. At the time the big naval base in the area was at Subic Bay in the Philippine Islands. Ferdinand Marcos had been president since 1965 (he stayed in office until 1986) and ruled under Martial Law from 1972 to 1981 — the years that Marcos was also Prime Minister — or nearly half the time he was in office.

Marcos declared martial law because of a perceived emergency. Anyone want to give me odds that the State Peace and Development Committee is planning a similar emergency. The newly promulgated People’s Military Service Law provides a clue. From Part II:

3. Hereunder, It is enacted for the duration of military service:

(a). Any citizen who are eligible for military service can be called upon to serve for military service not more than 24 months.

(b). Any citizens who are eligible for military service and if the state calls upon him or her for Tatmadaw (military) technician service, he or she has to serve not more than 36 months.

(c) Any citizens who are in eligible age for military service as expert, he or she can be called upon to serve for the military service not more than 36 months.

4. If the state is under an emergency, the government can extend the military service up to 5 years. [Emphasis mine, JH]

It could be a long emergency, so do what you can to make this a good morning, Myanmar.

Sarah is getting much better at using that evil teleprompter and not scribbling on her hands. And what’s up with the Photoshopped background (check out the American Flag and the mantle)?

We can’t make this stuff up:

From Abraham Foxman:

It is unfortunate that the tragedy in Tucson continues to stimulate a political blame game. Rather than step back and reflect on the lessons to be learned from this tragedy, both parties have reverted to political partisanship and finger-pointing at a time when the American people are looking for leadership, not more vitriol. In response to this tragedy we need to rise above partisanship, incivility, heated rhetoric, and the business-as-usual approaches that are corroding our political system and tainting the atmosphere in Washington and across the country.

It was inappropriate at the outset to blame Sarah Palin and others for causing this tragedy or for being an accessory to murder. Palin has every right to defend herself against these kinds of attacks, and we agree with her that the best tradition in America is one of finding common ground despite our differences.

Still, we wish that Palin had not invoked the phrase “blood-libel” in reference to the actions of journalists and pundits in placing blame for the shooting in Tucson on others. While the term “blood-libel” has become part of the English parlance to refer to someone being falsely accused, we wish that Palin had used another phrase, instead of one so fraught with pain in Jewish history.

Run Sarah run!

A blood libel — see timemark 3.31 — was a lie told by Catholic clergy and others around Easter time who wanted Jews to pay for killing Jesus. The story goes like this: in order to make matzah (unleavened bread made by mixing flour and water into a flat cake and popping it into a very hot oven no more than 18 minutes after the water is added) we needed the blood of a female (some said a child of either gender) virgin. Kids disappeared and died all the time in the dark ages — sanitation, bad food, germs, don’t you know — and inevitably when a child died or disappeared around Easter, the cry would go out from the pulpit to kill the Jews.

Now, does Sarah really think that is what happened in Tucson?

Feh!

It’s been a busy week in Wally World: the Universe’s source of cheap plastic crap. On The Writing On The Wal — the blog USA Today says should be on its readers’ radar — Jonathan Rees and I continue our work dedicated to drawing back the curtain on the Bentonvile Behemoth’s corporate disinformation and other flackery.

FIRE BREATHING WALMART STOMPS NYC…? I often use the term Bentonvile Behemoth (and yes, the misspelling is intentional) to describe Walmart, but Izzy Grinspan over at Racked has the animated video of the beast and its evil corporate masters roaring into New York City. Keep reading…

UNEDITED VIDEO: MINOR BEATING… Following up on the WALMART FACILITATES A MINOR’S BEATDOWN… story I posted on Tuesday. The handcuffs are put on by a law enforcement officer at about timemark 1:10. The woman, presumably the mother, enters about 50 seconds later. Keep reading…

I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP… Only three days ago I jokingly referred to this guard tower in conjunction with our joke of a fence along the American-Mexican border. Now the same tower shows up in Walmart parking lot. The crazies are making more and more sense. Keep reading…

OUR DUAL-TRACK ECONOMY… According to Cluster Chart: The above chart compares shares of Wal-Mart with the consumer discretionary ETF, and as you can see it’s reversed sharply since the worst of the recession, when discretionary spending collapsed, and everyone bid up Wal-Mart as a defensive play. Keep reading…

WALMART PASSES ON INPUT FORUM… I’m not at all surprised by Walmart passing up on a public input forum, but DC Direct Action News was. When you’re the largest retailer in the world, you don’t have time to show up at public forum just so you can be bashed for a couple of hours. Keep reading…

SOMEONE NOTIFY DAN BROWN… Walmart is part of the grand Illuminati/Freemason/United Nations/(insert your favorite secret organization here) conspiracy? The blogger at The Gaspee Gazette has found the link between Walmart and the dark secret of Agenda 21. Keep reading…

I DUNNO… WORKS FOR ME… People like to take pictures inside Walmart partly because, like Art Linkletter’s kids, Walmart says the darnedest things. Why condom displays seem to come under special scrutiny I don’t know, but I think the signage is perfectly appropriate. You? Keep reading…

LAUGHTER IS GREAT MEDICINE… I don’t know if this is a trend yet, but I’m three-for-three with humor posts this week and I haven’t made fun of a single person shopping at Walmart. The blogger at Iced Tea With Lemon, however pokes gentle fun at herself with a smile. Keep reading…

WALMART CONDUCTING END RUN IN NEW YORK… Following the example of any number of wrong-wing politicians in recent years who have decided to take their message directly to the people and avoid anyone asking embarrassing questions, Walmart seeks to retain total control of its We Heart New York meme. Keep reading…

A BLACK HOLE IS A BETTER METAPHOR… Public Advocate Bill de Blasio — a unique elected office, second only to the mayor — is the government watchdog for the citizens of New York City and he doesn’t like what a Walmart will do to the economy and well-being of his constituents. Keep reading…

The criminal act of Jared Lee Loughner is a personal tragedy for the families and friends of his victims, it is not, however, a national tragedy: it is a national distraction. It certainly is not a reason for the United State’s Congress to grant itself a one-week vacation. How many people were murdered or injured by gunfire on Saturday, 9 January? How many service members were killed or wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan on that day?

Congress didn’t shut down for them, did it? President Barack Hussein Obama isn’t flying to Baltimore to deliver a speech because of Phylicia Simone Barnes is he? (No, I’m not going to provide the link, do some work and look her up.)

Let those who knew and loved the victims grieve and mourn in privacy as is their right. The rest of us need to get about the business of fixing our country and the rest of the world as best we can.

From my dad, of course…

The Mother Of All Websites

Don’t wait for inspiration. Discipline is the key. Esther Freud

Ten rules for writing fiction from The Guardian.

Found in my electronic chapbook.

MYANMAR/BURMA — Or be as effective? I have serious doubts.

From Mizzima:

Burma’s new national, regional and state Parliaments will convene for the first time on Jan. 31, two months after the national elections, the state media announced on Monday.

Thousands of construction workers continue to put the final touches on the new People’s Parliament buildings in Naypyidaw, scheduled to open Jan. 31.
State Peace and Development Council chairman Sen-Gen Than Shwe signed the order stating that the National Assembly, the People’s Assembly and the Region and State assemblies would convene at 8:55 a.m. on Jan. 31, according to Myanmar Radio and Television 4 (MRTV 4). Each of the assemblies will convene simultaneously.

MRTV4 also announced that 17 Parliamentary laws have been printed and distributed. The laws are (a) Laws concerning the State Seal; (b) Laws concerning the presidential election; (c) Laws concerning the Union government; (d) Laws concerning the government of the Region and State concerned; (e) Laws concerning the authorities of self-administered division or self-administered zones; (f) Laws concerning the Naypyidaw Council; (g) Laws concerning the special court for constitution; (h) Laws concerning the civil service personnel; (i) Laws concerning the State Flag; (j) Laws concerning the Nationa Anthem; (k) Laws concerning Union Parliament; (l) Laws concerning the People’s Assembly; (m) Laws concerning the National Assembly; (n) Laws concerning the Region and State Assembly; (o) Laws concerning the Union judicial system; (p) Laws concerning the Chief Advocate; and (q) Laws concerning the Chief Auditor.

The books were a quick bestseller, selling out in a matter of hours. No word yet as to the details’ devils.

Do what you can to make this a good morning, Myanmar.

From my dad, of course…

The following is an actual (maybe, JH) question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

This student received an A+.

What do you workout to?

Find your best time of the day for writing and write. Don’t let anything else interfere. Afterwards it won’t matter to you that the kitchen is a mess. Esther Freud

Ten rules for writing fiction from The Guardian.

Found in my electronic chapbook.

MYANMAR/BURMA — Who does Myanmar plan on invading or whom does it think is planning on invading Myanmar? Is Myanmar gearing up for another round of Khmer Rouge-esque ethnic/political cleansing? How many soldiers do the generals think they need.

From The Democratic Voice of Burma:

Men and women over the age of 18 will be required to serve up to three years in the Burmese military or face a lengthy jail term, reports claim.

Documents seen by Japanese broadcaster NHK suggest that the legislation was enacted on 17 December last year and requires all able-bodied adults to register with local authorities for the draft. Men between the ages of 18 and 45 are obligated, while for women it is between 18 and 35. Burma already has a standing army of close to half a million, one of biggest per capita in the world.

Reports of forcible conscription are common, and may well be the reasoning behind the new law: the 2008 constitution will officially come into force when the new parliament convenes this month, and fears of greater judicial reach and scrutiny of the practice may have the generals worried.

Generally speaking, I favor universal conscription in the United States because it fosters citizen engagement in politics when their sons and daughters are at risk. I don’t expect the same to be true in Myanmar, however.

Take it Joe and do what you can to make this a good morning, Myanmar.