SANCTIFICATION OR MUTILATION…?
June 24th, 2007
Recently a Jewish friend who is married to a non-Jewish woman was blessed with the gift of a son. Like many Jewish fathers in mixed marriages, he wrestled with how to find a mohel, a person trained in brit milah, the ritual circumcision. I checked a few contacts and put him in touch with a rabbi. And I didn’t think anything more of it.
I’m part of that segment of the boomer generation where most males, regardless of religious affiliation, were circumcised in the hospital for, at the times, reasons of good hygiene.
But the debate over circumcision has never stopped as evidenced by this response by a reader to a series of post on Daily Dish.
Women fear that giving their children what they want will lead to their own re-entrapment in the kitchen (which would indeed stink). But the alternative is to look at a defenseless being and say “What you want doesn’t matter. My needs come before yours.”
Circumcision is the ultimate expression of this. Nobody who saw infants as *human beings* could possibly countenance the pain they endure for an unnecessary procedure. No one would perform such a painful act on an unwilling or unable-to-consent adult just for reasons of habit or custom or religion.
I think we need another civil rights revolution in this country, predicated on the radical idea that babies and young children are people. (And to the extent that mothers might need to make big changes in their priorities to accommodate that revolution, there should be social support for them so they’re not penalized in employment or social status.)
The Jewish mothers I’ve known have never been happy about this. I’ve been present at two brits and the women hung back and cried at the cutting moment. But even among those that I consider to be the most enlightened/liberal/progressive of Jews, the brit may be discussed, but in the end, tradition wins out.
She who Writes Like She Talks has dealt with the decision twice and I hope she adds her voice to this discussion.
Is sex better for those who remain intact? I don’t know. Although it’s pretty hard for me to imagine it being better than my own experiences.
What do you think?
My anti-spam word is wink, by the way.
Okay – well, I didn’t hang back and cry. And I never considered not doing it. I didn’t and don’t feel regret, and I don’t feel like I’ve denied my kids any civil rights.
What DO I think I’ve done? I followed medical advice as well as religious practice.
If you’d seen my younger son wail and suffer as they tried to get enough blood for the PKU test, trust me – circumcision would look like a BREEZE – and really? It was with our kids. Seconds, it took seconds, maybe only a few. Honestly, I’ve seen my kids suffer through a lot worse than the circumcision, and with far less discernable benefits.
I don’t mean to be flip but as parents, we make So. Many. Choices. Every. Single. Day. When you compare the circumcision decision to others? You know, I just can’t say that I’ve ever thought twice.
Now – that’s not a judgement on those who do have problems with it. I respect the position some hold, but that position has just never been influential in my decision-making process.
Really – I will never forget that darn PKU test. It was FAR FAR FAR worse than the circumcision.
Now, Jeff, my older brother was married to a non-Jewish woman and I do recall that they had a lot of dissent between them about the procedure. I think they ended up having it done to their one son but in the hospital – no bris.
My word was “plan” – where do you GET this stuff?
Ok -I forgot to mention that the denial of childrens’ rights IS a reasonable topic to explore. I just don’t see circumcision as one of them. That’s me.
For example, I’d be interested to know if the person who wrote that unschools her kids.
Shalom Jill,
First, thank you very much for your input. I knew I could count on you for clarity.
I was talking to a friend about this post and she asked me if I would have had a circumcision as an adult if I had not already had it performed as a baby.
Honestly? I don’t think I would have.
Ouch.
B’shalom,
Jeff
My Anti-Spam word was Hanukah – exactly what are you giving away here??
I have a Jewish friend who is very anti-circumcision. They held a religious ceremony, sans scalpel, after eight days. This seems to be not-uncommon, since she had an easier time planning than convincing her husband.
I came across a post about a year ago from someone who wanted to sue the doctor who circumcised him (with his parents’ consent) without his own consent since he was an infant. I think enough people told him that he was being idiotic and to go out and get a job he could keep for more than three months, instead of looking for yet another person to sue, to, if you’ll pardon the expression, nip it in the bud.
Jeff – I can’t imagine a guy going through it as an adult unless they believed, for religious, medical or other reasons, that it’s what they wanted to do. We’re getting a little silly here – there are plenty of painful things to which people subject themselves because they want to, for some reason or other. I think people just don’t like to be told that they have to, or else, and people don’t like feeling that other people are judging them for choosing one way or the other.
I’m a supersensitive person when it comes to a lot of issues, personal, political and other, but whether someone thinks I should circumsize my child or not, because they see it as a denial of my kids’ civil rights? I’m going to say, thanks for sharing your opinion with me. And smile.
Shalom Jill,
I would never dismiss your thoughts by suggesting that you were getting a little silly.
Why is it, do you think, that while women have rightly adopted the tallit and the kipah and demanded their right to read Torah before the congregation, that they have not also demanded the brit milah, an equivalent surgery (not the barbaric practice of female genital mutilation) for their eight-day-old daughters?
B’shalom,
Jeff
Mr. Hess – my antispam word was “mitzvah.” I demand that you tell us, where are you getting these passwords!? :)
As for circumcision. Okay – you are right, I am wrong – silly isn’t really the right word. If women want to start giving their daughters brit milah, hey – I wouldn’t stop them. But I would still say that I think the issue is going too far. Why? You’ve got me – I haven’t thought a lot about it. But that’s not because I don’t support egalitarian efforts in Judaism. I just haven’t studied it or sought out what is and isn’t needed to make observance more egalitarian.
I didn’t know much about CAIR until last week either. I didn’t know much about the David Irving lawsuit in England until last night.
Why aren’t women demanding that girls get the brit milah? I don’t know – what do those who don’t want it for boys say? Are you saying that the reason some don’t want it for boys is because they don’t want it for girls?
I’m not going to feel guilty for not thinking a lot about this, but I absolutely support time being spent on it by those to whom its important.
I don’t mean to be flip even though I know this sounds, especially on a screen, that way. I can only speak for myself. I would encourage everyone to fight for what they believe. I don’t believe all the same things as many Jews.
Crunching my face – I just don’t know what else to say.
Shalom Jill,
No face crunching needed. She who writes like she talks when she has time to take two consecutive breaths in the same place is, as always, absolutely correct.
B’shalom,
Jeff
p.s. my websorceress found a captcha that allows me to pick any words — up to seven letters — that i want.
I love your websorceress, but I’ve said that before. I need to make her mine. :) That is a very cool feature, I must say.
Thank you for relieving me of crinkling. I have enough permanent wrinkles that no procedure can erase, even if I were open to the idea of such things, which, at least for now, I’m not. :)
Shalom Jill,
Which is even more to your credit. I’ve never understood why some women would want to look naive, inexperienced and ignorant.
Give me sophisticated, practiced and knowing any day.
B’shalom,
Jeff
Forgive my ignorance, but what would a brit milah for a girl be? Wikipedia isn’t much help. (Jeff, thank you for the assurance it’s not FGM.)
Shalom Terry,
I’d leave it to the pediatric and Torah experts to precisely define it, but I would imagine that it would involve some part of the clitoral hood.
B’shalom,
Jeff
you know jeff, ive been thinking about this, and women have a different sort of sexual expectain then men. its different in that many would consider these requirements a choice where as circumcision is forever, but i doint know…it is said that a woman is impure when she has her period and is forbidden from touching the men in the family, correct? it is then required that she be cleaned at the mikvah before she can be pure enough to touch her family again….it isnt physical pain, but its social isolation and severly restricted sexuality….
Shalom Molly,
That’s true. You’re absolutely right.
And remember that men are required to hit the mikvah after a nocturnal emission.
B’shalom,
Jeff